Just Not Meant to Be

Despite my frustrations on the weeks where I don’t lose much, obviously I am losing weight consistently, and after thinking it over for a while, I’ve decided not to have the surgery.

I had told my doctor in the beginning that if I was going to do it, it had to be no later than the very beginning of August (and even that was pushing it) and even though I got all my stuff done early, the last appointment I needed (for an EGD), they couldn’t schedule until the end of July. Which, of course, pretty much screwed me (since they still have to submit everything to the insurance and wait for it all to be approved). I’d already been having some doubts anyways, so rather than try to cram everything in last minute (and hope it all somehow managed to work itself out), I took it as a sign and cancelled the whole thing.

Honestly, I’m glad. The more I thought about it, I really, really was uncomfortable with messing around with my insides. I mean, if they’d done it when I went in for my first appointment, that would have been fine, but giving me all this time to think about it – not good. XD Besides, I’m already able to restrict what I eat – most of the time anyways – so physically making my stomach smaller doesn’t seem like it will make that much of a difference. And I’m worried that if I have days when I feel like I’m starving, I don’t want to not be able to eat if I want to. I want to lose the weight, but I also don’t want to be totally miserable while I’m doing it (at least not more so than I already am).

I will still continue to work on losing the weight and I will still continue to follow up with the doctor regularly (they have a non-surgical team as well), maybe not every month, but at least every 2-3 months. That way I have some sort of accountability. If I try to do it on my own I will totally failsauce. Definitely don’t want to do that. Plus the oldest is getting married in early October, so I still have a good reason (well… at least another good reason) for keeping on keeping on. With a bit of luck, I could be under 300lbs by then (or at least pretty close), which would be AWESOME!!!


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