Starting Over


At my best, I weighed 231 and had lost approximately 160 pounds from my highest weight. However, despite SWEARING that I would never, ever weigh that much again, I gained it all back (in pretty short order).

The beginning of the end was hurricane Florence in September 2018. I have severe storm anxiety even on the best of days and Florence sent me in to complete panic mode as she spend days switching tracks from one side of me to the other. I couldn’t eat, wasn’t getting restful sleep, and was barely functioning for a couple of weeks. The few times I felt like eating, it was all straight high-carb/calorie comfort food. We ended up leaving town, even though it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, by the time I got my appetite back, the damage was done. Whatever amazing mental state I’d had the last year and a half that had fueled my epic weight-loss journey was completely gone.

I struggled for most of the next year, and though I was still going to the gym at least once a week (mostly to try to shame myself into keeping on track), I was over 300lbs again by the time September 2019 rolled around. Then some idiot slammed her car into me while I was stopped at a traffic light.

Overall, the accident wasn’t a bad one. We were both stopped at the light—when it turned green, I didn’t even have time to take my foot off the brake before she’d jammed her foot on the gas pedal of her car and floored it. Obviously, she didn’t get very far. There was only minor damage to the back bumper and liftgate on my van, and I didn’t even get any whiplash—instead, for whatever reason, the entire impact of the collision hit me square in the middle of my back, just under my shoulder blades. No visible injuries though (I did go to the doctor to check), but in any case, the immediate (and then lingering) pain in that area put any thoughts of working out on hold for several months (and not gonna lie, for a “minor” accident, my back is now permanently screwed up in that area, because I never had issues in my mid-upper back before and now it hurts there frequently… it really sucks).

In any case, about the time I might have thought about going back to the gym… COVID hit, and between that and the political situation, 2020 was a massive hell void that one really could only make it through by stress-eating (thank the gods for Instacart and DoorDash… you ROCK!). But eating that much Ben & Jerry’s has consequences, so here I am—right back where I started in 2017.

At this point, my goal is to drop at least 100lbs, as I know being “skinny” isn’t an attainable goal. My metabolism, even when I’m exercising regularly (which I’m still not because COVID is giant ball of suck) is terrible and the only way I consistently lose weight it by eating around 1200 calories a day and, as I have found, that just isn’t sustainable. So for now, I’ll be content just not weighing as much as I do. Because I’m back at a place where even if I could leave the house, I don’t want to, because I’m so out of shape, and I don’t like that.

So starting back with meal replacement shakes for as much as possible, then just eating a bit as a jump start to see how that goes. Then I’ll make a more cohesive plan from there.

Starting Weight: 401

Pounds Lost This Week: n/a

Total Weight Lost: 0

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