Starting Over

At my best, I weighed 231 and had lost approximately 160 pounds from my highest weight. However, despite SWEARING that I would never, ever weigh that much again, I gained it all back (in pretty short order).

The beginning of the end was hurricane Florence in September 2018. I have severe storm anxiety even on the best of days and Florence sent me in to complete panic mode as she spend days switching tracks from one side of me to the other. I couldn’t eat, wasn’t getting restful sleep, and was barely functioning for a couple of weeks. The few times I felt like eating, it was all straight high-carb/calorie comfort food. We ended up leaving town, even though it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, by the time I got my appetite back, the damage was done. Whatever amazing mental state I’d had the last year and a half that had fueled my epic weight-loss journey was completely gone.

I struggled for most of the next year, and though I was still going to the gym at least once a week (mostly to try to shame myself into keeping on track), I was over 300lbs again by the time September 2019 rolled around. Then some idiot slammed her car into me while I was stopped at a traffic light.

Overall, the accident wasn’t a bad one. We were both stopped at the light—when it turned green, I didn’t even have time to take my foot off the brake before she’d jammed her foot on the gas pedal of her car and floored it. Obviously, she didn’t get very far. There was only minor damage to the back bumper and liftgate on my van, and I didn’t even get any whiplash—instead, for whatever reason, the entire impact of the collision hit me square in the middle of my back, just under my shoulder blades. No visible injuries though (I did go to the doctor to check), but in any case, the immediate (and then lingering) pain in that area put any thoughts of working out on hold for several months (and not gonna lie, for a “minor” accident, my back is now permanently screwed up in that area, because I never had issues in my mid-upper back before and now it hurts there frequently… it really sucks).

In any case, about the time I might have thought about going back to the gym… COVID hit, and between that and the political situation, 2020 was a massive hell void that one really could only make it through by stress-eating (thank the gods for Instacart and DoorDash… you ROCK!). But eating that much Ben & Jerry’s has consequences, so here I am—right back where I started in 2017.

At this point, my goal is to drop at least 100lbs, as I know being “skinny” isn’t an attainable goal. My metabolism, even when I’m exercising regularly (which I’m still not because COVID is giant ball of suck) is terrible and the only way I consistently lose weight it by eating around 1200 calories a day and, as I have found, that just isn’t sustainable. So for now, I’ll be content just not weighing as much as I do. Because I’m back at a place where even if I could leave the house, I don’t want to, because I’m so out of shape, and I don’t like that.

So starting back with meal replacement shakes for as much as possible, then just eating a bit as a jump start to see how that goes. Then I’ll make a more cohesive plan from there.

Starting Weight: 401

Pounds Lost This Week: n/a

Total Weight Lost: 0


Weekly Weigh-In: Week 77

Week 77 Current Weight: 234

Pounds Lost This Week: 6

Total Weight Lost: 156 pounds

Water weight is fun. XD

One of my goals for this current fitness challenge is to go to the gym more often. At one point I was going almost every day for a while, but as summer hit I got lazy and have only been going to my Monday evening small group training. Even though we’re getting ready to start week 3 on Monday, so far, I’m still just going my same old once a week. Though to be fair, the kiddo’s been having a rough time the last month or so, and I’m still trying to recover from the ginormous panic attack and utter exhaustion that was hurricane Florence. Everything was fine here at the house, but the mental stress of it all, not to mention we ended up leaving town just in case (since originally we were going to be in a more direct path), was pretty significant.

My eating habits have still been a little off. Either I’m not hungry or when I am, there’s nothing that I want (all I want is junk and I’m trying really hard not to give in to that too much). Hopefully, things will work themselves out soon.

I did start another HealthyWage challenge as well. The goal is to lose 25 more pounds in the next 6 months. I know it’s a fairly conservative goal (since I usually average more than a pound a week weight loss), but I also know the holidays are coming up, so I figured it was better to aim low than to set myself up for total failure. Anyone who wants to join me – please feel free.

Things Discovered: Hungryroot

I was really hoping that I’d be able to write a rave review about this “great” new thing I found (Hungryroot), but alas… it was not to be. Or, at the very least, it’s sort of hit or miss.

TL;DR: Mixed bag. Some of the food is good, but there are shipping issues that could mean what you get isn’t fresh (or even edible). It’s a little pricy as well.


I was excited because, though I’ve looked at other meal shipment offerings, with this one most of the recipes were well within my calorie range, and they were relatively healthy (vegan and gluten-free even… which doesn’t necessarily matter to me, but might to some). I ordered and waited – it took 2 weeks for my first shipment to be delivered. Which that part is fine, it was the delivery itself that was the problem.

So… it’s summer time and it’s been a bit hot this week. Plenty of 90+ degree days. I started to get a bit antsy as the day wore on and by 6p actually was calling FedEx to see if they could give me some sort of assurances as to my box actually getting to me. It will be there soon, we promise. Yeah, but what condition will it be in? Inquiring minds want to know!

About 6:40p, my doorbell rings. YAY FedEx!!!

When I picked the box up off the porch (driver was already hauling ass down the driveway) it was pretty warm to the touch. Bad sign. When I opened it – the box was lined with some sort of insulation material (not like actual styrofoam or anything that might have actually done a better job of retaining the cold, but sort of loose wrap material) and there was a fully melted ice pack on the top.


It was slightly cool to the touch, but only marginally so. There was a piece of cardboard under that, and then the food packs. The very top ones, that were directly under the ice pack, were well… not cold, but not quite warm – possibly edible, but who’d want to risk it? As I dug deeper into the box, the food packs got warmer and warmer, and even though there was another ice pack at the bottom of the pile (also fully melted), that was was actually warm and all the food packs on that level were also warm to the touch. Not sure what the box was sitting on the in the truck, but you’d almost think it had been sitting on a heater. In any case, I certainly didn’t feel comfortable enough to attempt to eat any of it. Which is really sad, because I was totally looking forward to it.

I guess I’m just frustrated about the whole thing though. Their FAQ stated that there was enough ice to keep the boxes fresh for 2 days, but like, it was shipped out Monday night at about 11p and then not delivered to me until Wednesday after 6:30p. And while, technically, that’s not a full 48 hours, in the summer heat, the way it was packed just doesn’t hold up that long. Also, the box said “keep refrigerated” but FedEx trucks don’t have that ability. So if they were counting on FedEx to keep it cool in transit as well, that’s definitely not going to happen.

Anyhoo… totally disappointed. 😦


So, they credited me the cost of the original box and I agreed to try one more shipment. Still not super-impressed with their shipping. This one, again. left Monday (around 10:40a) and was not delivered until Wednesday evening (it says around 4:45p, but it was later than that – not that the delivery guy bothered to even ring the doorbell this time). Either way, still way longer than the 2 days that everything is supposed to stay fresh for.  At least this time everything was still mostly cold (or at least not warm), probably because the weather’s been a bit cooler, so I’m going to eat it and see how it goes.

I started with the broccoli rice and added the Thai peanut sauce, and a container of Italian Herb Chickpea Medley. I had to add extra curry powder to the peanut sauce – it wasn’t bad, but it didn’t really taste like any peanut sauce I’ve ever had before. The chickpea stuff was pretty darn tasty though. So there is that. XD Also the Black Bean Brownie Batter is YUM!!

I debating whether or not to cancel. I mean, I like the idea of getting more veggies in my diet, especially since I’m really bad at eating them most days. But, if I’m going to have to worry about shipping issues every week, that’s a major deterrent. The other is that I already struggle with getting enough protein, and given that all of this is vegan, it’s definitely not going to help.

Decisions… decisions…


Weekly Weigh-In: Week 57

Week 57 Current Weight: 257

Pounds Lost This Week: 2

Total Weight Lost: 133 pounds

Ate at my favorite Indian restaurant for Mother’s Day with the oldest and his wife (and had a couple slices of pizza Saturday), but otherwise stayed very strictly to my calorie goals for the rest of the week. Exercised every day, except for Thursday, though Monday I didn’t get my extra elliptical work in – only did TRX/strength, but just ran out of time. Waffled a bit over taking Thursday off, but in the end was just tired and needed the break.

Weekly Weigh-In: Week 55

Week 55 Current Weight: 260

Pounds Lost This Week: 1

Total Weight Lost: 130 pounds

Slow and steady wins the race…. right?

Still a bit frustrating though. I mean, I am going to the gym daily now (I’ve pretty much doubled my activity) and even counting the pizza I had earlier in the week, with all the extra exercise, I should have been WAY under my calorie goal. Instead, I’m barely scraping off a single pound.



Weekly Weigh-In: Week 4

Week 4: 366

Weight Lost This Week: 0 (gained 2)

Total Weight Lost: 24 pounds

Super frustrated. Still eating between 1000 and 1200 calories a day, 75 carbs or less and high protein, and not only didn’t I lose anything, but I gained. I swear… my body hates me. It’s really hard to stay motivated when there aren’t any results to show for it.

Only positive – I do think I’m losing inches. But not losing is bumming me out. I mean, I knew that the rate of loss would slow, but I was still expecting at least 2-3 pounds a week (maybe even 5) being on such a restricted diet. Hopefully, it will pick back up, but so far, the scale seems stuck at 366-367 (literally been up since later in the afternoon after the last weigh-in).