Starting Over


At my best, I weighed 231 and had lost approximately 160 pounds from my highest weight. However, despite SWEARING that I would never, ever weigh that much again, I gained it all back (in pretty short order).

The beginning of the end was hurricane Florence in September 2018. I have severe storm anxiety even on the best of days and Florence sent me in to complete panic mode as she spend days switching tracks from one side of me to the other. I couldn’t eat, wasn’t getting restful sleep, and was barely functioning for a couple of weeks. The few times I felt like eating, it was all straight high-carb/calorie comfort food. We ended up leaving town, even though it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, by the time I got my appetite back, the damage was done. Whatever amazing mental state I’d had the last year and a half that had fueled my epic weight-loss journey was completely gone.

I struggled for most of the next year, and though I was still going to the gym at least once a week (mostly to try to shame myself into keeping on track), I was over 300lbs again by the time September 2019 rolled around. Then some idiot slammed her car into me while I was stopped at a traffic light.

Overall, the accident wasn’t a bad one. We were both stopped at the light—when it turned green, I didn’t even have time to take my foot off the brake before she’d jammed her foot on the gas pedal of her car and floored it. Obviously, she didn’t get very far. There was only minor damage to the back bumper and liftgate on my van, and I didn’t even get any whiplash—instead, for whatever reason, the entire impact of the collision hit me square in the middle of my back, just under my shoulder blades. No visible injuries though (I did go to the doctor to check), but in any case, the immediate (and then lingering) pain in that area put any thoughts of working out on hold for several months (and not gonna lie, for a “minor” accident, my back is now permanently screwed up in that area, because I never had issues in my mid-upper back before and now it hurts there frequently… it really sucks).

In any case, about the time I might have thought about going back to the gym… COVID hit, and between that and the political situation, 2020 was a massive hell void that one really could only make it through by stress-eating (thank the gods for Instacart and DoorDash… you ROCK!). But eating that much Ben & Jerry’s has consequences, so here I am—right back where I started in 2017.

At this point, my goal is to drop at least 100lbs, as I know being “skinny” isn’t an attainable goal. My metabolism, even when I’m exercising regularly (which I’m still not because COVID is giant ball of suck) is terrible and the only way I consistently lose weight it by eating around 1200 calories a day and, as I have found, that just isn’t sustainable. So for now, I’ll be content just not weighing as much as I do. Because I’m back at a place where even if I could leave the house, I don’t want to, because I’m so out of shape, and I don’t like that.

So starting back with meal replacement shakes for as much as possible, then just eating a bit as a jump start to see how that goes. Then I’ll make a more cohesive plan from there.

Starting Weight: 401

Pounds Lost This Week: n/a

Total Weight Lost: 0

Weekly Weigh-In: Week 100


Week 100 Current Weight: 262

Pounds Lost This Week: 0 (I was at 262 last week as well, but I forgot to post it)

Total Weight Lost: 128

So, because I’ve been struggling these last few months, I’ve decided to change my calorie goals a little bit. The original goal was definitely an aggressive one (1200 calories a day, aiming for 2+ pounds lost a week) and though it worked well for the first year and a half, obviously, it hasn’t been lately. So probably more than due for a little adjustment.

Starting this week, my new goal is 1500 calories a day. This puts me on track for maybe a little over a pound a week weight loss, but at this point, I’d rather lose something rather than nothing. So far, even though I broke even for the week (I was at the same weight last week, but that is due to overeating last Friday after weigh in, which put me up a lot higher – it shouldn’t have, but it always does), I am doing much better with this goal. And was able to stick to it without any major issues.

It’s weird how much of a difference having an extra 300 calories makes. Before I spent my days barely eating because I’d be afraid of using up all my calories – for a typical meal I’d aim for under 300 calories (better if it was under 250), but now if I eat 400 or so calories at a time, it’s not the end of the world. Which makes it less likely that I will go off track the rest of the day, because before, if I screwed up early in the day, I’d just be like – oh well, might as well eat whatever I want to and start again tomorrow –  and not that this isn’t a good philosophy, but when you start doing it every day and never get back on track, it’s a recipe for failure. But this week, I’ve felt satisfied and not felt the need to overeat, so I’m hopeful that I’ve got this back under control.

Onward to next week and beyond!!

Weekly Weigh-In: Week 97


Week 97 Current Weight: 263

Pounds Lost This Week: 0

Total Weight Lost: 127

Sorry for not posting “weigh-ins” the last couple week. It’s not been good. The gods know I keep trying, but then I just given in. Last Friday I was up over 270 again. So on the one hand, this week’s current weight is a win, but I still struggled mightily all week (including the entire ginormous bag of M&Ms I ate last night).

On the plus side, I did go to the gym 3 extra times this week (Sunday, Wednesday and Thursday), in addition to my regular Monday night group training. So, I am trying. It’s just been hard.

To be fair, my birthday and a few other things were in those couple weeks of the  month, so it was a given that things would be a little off, but there are days I’m binging on food in a way that I’ve never done before and it’s frustrating.

But anyhoo… here’s to a better next week!!

Weekly Weigh-In: Week 93


Week 93 Current Weight: 250

Pounds Lost This Week: 4

Total Weight Lost: 140

So far so good. At least I’m hanging in there. Not totally keeping to exactly 1200 calories per day, but close enough. Also been eating a lot more fruit (mostly apples and grapes). So at least when I’m over, it’s not total junk food (though I did eat salted caramel oreos today).

Weekly Weigh-In: Week 90


Week 90 Current Weight: 257

Pounds Lost This Week: 1

Total Weight Lost: 133

Still struggling a bit.

I didn’t make 1200 calories any day this week, but for most of it I didn’t do too badly (stayed under 2000). However, yesterday and today were totally off track, and I know tomorrow will be as well (have a girls dinner/movie night). Today wouldn’t have been so bad, but hubby wanted Krispy Kreme and… yeah….

But still, I didn’t gain weight, so I’m ok with it. At this point, I’ll take “not gaining” as a win.

New Year… New Me: Beyond Weeks 87, 88 and 89.


December was a total lost cause and I ended up (mostly water weight to be sure, but still not happy with it) almost 20 pounds from my last “official” weekly weigh-in. But I am not giving up and now that the New Year is here, I’m going to get back on track. I do not ever want to be as overweight as I was before.

I am still aiming for a 1200 calorie per week goal, but since my current TDEE is around 2200 calories there is definitely a little wiggle room there as well. So, especially on the days where I exercise, I might eat a little more, which is ok (as long as it’s not junk). I still have my small group training once a week and for Christmas I bought myself a TRX system to use here at the house.

Have I mentioned how awesome TRX is? Well, it totally is. Everyone should do it!! (seriously – all skill levels and body types – it’s freaking amazing!!)

And if you aren’t in a place where you can do a particular exercise, there are plenty of ways to modify (such as changing how far you lean back – farther is harder so less of an angle makes it easier) so it really does work for almost anyone. Also, even though it may not look like you are doing much, depending on the modifications, it can be as intense or low-impact as you need it to be.

Anyway, when 2018 started I weighed around 285, so overall I am still down almost 30 pounds for the year (currently I’m at 258), so that is something positive. I still have a long way to go (and in truth, this is a life-long journey, make no mistake about it), but I will get there.

Hope everyone has a wonderful and prosperous New Year!! Like they say… aim for the moon, and even if you miss you’ll still land among the stars!! We got this!!

Weekly Weigh-In: Weeks 85 and 86


Week 86 Current Weight: 244

Pounds Lost This Week: doesn’t really count

Total Weight Lost: 146

I was out of town for Week 85 and still not making very good food choices, but the good news is that I stuck with it this week and managed to drop closer to where I need to be, to be back on track. Hopefully I can keep up with it, even though I still have to get through the bulk of the Holiday season.

 

 

Weekly Weigh-In: Week 83


Week 83 Current Weight: 246

Pounds Lost This Week: 0 (gained 2 pounds)

Total Weight Lost: 144 pounds

I’ve decided that the term “yo-yo” dieting is not the right way to describe it. It’s more like a carousel. You just keep going up and down and up and down… around and around and around. XD

Still, I think I’ve managed to actually “cure” my sweet tooth this past week. I ate so much chocolate one day that I honestly felt sick. Which is bad, I know, but I just wanted it gone and hubby kept buying more. But at least now I don’t have any cravings. LOL

 

Weekly Weigh-In: Weeks 81 and 82


Week 82 Current Weight: 244

Pounds Lost This Week: 4

Total Weight Lost: 146 pounds

I was out of town last week on weigh-in day (for Week 81), and though I weighed myself before I left on Thursday, by the time I got back on Sunday I’d blown any losses completely out of the water (seriously I was back up over 250 pounds) and decided I didn’t even want to officially log that shit anywhere. The really sad part is that except for the cupcakes I got from Smallcakes in Winter Park, FL (which were freaking amazing) and the grilled cheese sandwich I  ate with my friend when we went out to dinner, most of the food I ate over the weekend didn’t even taste that good. So, an almost total waste of calories (looking at you Steak ‘n Shake… I was very disappointed). No, I lied, there was the club sandwich and a ham and cheese omelette at the Westin in Jekyll Island that were pretty awesome as well, but the rest (things eaten elsewhere), yeah… not so much.

So, I did somewhat better with things once I got home, so the water weight is dropping back off, but I’m still struggling overall. I don’t think I made my calorie goal even one day this week (at all). But that’s ok. I’ll keep trying.